Try A New Thing And Live In Zealous Ebbs.

try a new thing and live in zealous ebbs.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

first day of school. 12.

Oh hi!

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, YA'LL!! (for the Cutest Cutes anyway...pre- and pre-pre school) The BoyCute 4 year old was going to his second year of pre-school and the GirlCute 2 year old was in her first alone-for-a-few-hours class EVER! Woo hoo! There was a little bit of crying, though mostly I think it had to do with the fact that OTHER kids were crying and they all just play copy-cry...but GUYS! TANTALIZE time! It was the first time that I've ever brought kids to their first day of school that weren't in my own family.

Their mother came with, and the BoyCute old was fine, went into the classroom with no problems. The usually incredibly social and talkative GirlCute lost her smile, wouldn't say a word, and was clingy with her mom for a good ten minutes. I suggested that she (Mom) wait in the hall and I'd stay with GirlCute for a few minutes and get her distracted. While she was clingy with me for a few minutes, as soon as I introduced her to the painting set (and her in her white dress, of course), she was distracted and I slipped out the door.
When I went to pick her up, she ran out and gave me the biggest leg hug I've ever gotten from her and chattered about that she'd had a great time and her new friends are very nice and she played some sort of beaver game. I have no idea what that means but I'm assuming it's innocent and apparently she's excited to do it again on Friday. BoyCute had a nice day as well, greeting me with a request for lemonade and was sweating from running around on the playground with a sweater vest on (why he didn't just take it off I have no idea).

We had traditions when I was growing up on the first day of school that involved taking a mug shot (photo) in front of a painting of our house in the front hallway. Every year we'd look back and along with seeing our various fashion faux pas, we also got to see how we'd grown or what year we got a new back pack or whatever. I got to take a photo with the Cutes on their front step (even though they were a little nervous and not smiling as much as usual) and I must say, some days are longer than others, and sometimes I get down on myself thinking "why am I cleaning a playroom with an MFA under my belt", but more often than not it's a pretty sweet job...and I hope I get to take another photo with them next year.


do i need to tickle monster you guys to get'cha to smile??

BoyCute happy. GirlCute nervous.


How did you TANTALIZE today?

Monday, August 29, 2011

walk around skokie. 11.

Oh hi!
Darn, guys! I didn't do ANYTHING new yesterday! How is that possible!? This should be 12. But it's 11. Boo. I was on such a great streak. Oh well. I did do something new today, though. Fear not. Our hero has not lost her way.

Today's TANTALIZE was, in my mind, impossible to believe until I had the very strange experience of realizing that it was the first time I'd ever done it. I took a walk around downtown Skokie as an adult, alone.

I grew up in Skokie, and as a kid went to the 4th of July parade in the "downtown" area, and hung out at the library, and went to the farmer's market, but today while I was waiting for my car to be serviced I decided to take a walk instead of waiting around at an auto repair place for an hour. I was walking around, looking in little shop windows that I'd passed in the car a million times (most of which I've still never been inside of) and then I realized...Wow! I've never walked around down here by myself!

I know, it's bizarre. But hey, once I realized it was a TANTALIZE I doubled the length of the walk, exploring down side streets that I'd never been down and sat in the gazebo at the corner of Lincoln and Oakton.

Photo to follow when I can find the memory stick adapter thing. This is why I can't have nice things.

How did you TANTALIZE today?

Saturday, August 27, 2011

second city class recital. 10.

Oh hi!
Wow! Day 10 of TANTALIZE'ing! Sweet.

Today my TANTALIZE was that I went to my first Second City improv class recital.  Went out to support our friend Ollie who is the king of high fives and mixes a mean drink at my favorite bar.

He was great, and it reminded me that while I never really got into improv myself, I always enjoyed doing it when we were "forced" to in school (it's also the most terrifying section in your first few acting classes in college) and it made me want to go take a class or at least find some people to practice with. I'm a little worried that I might not be into the vibe of people that are naturally drawn to improv (no offense guys, but you "drawn to improv" types have to be taught not to steam roll...Ollie was excellent at the "yes, and") but it also might just be a blast. And I've never taken an improv class outside of the safety of a college environment. Maybe that'll have to be a TANTALIZE. It certainly would be scary and risky. Hmmmm...

I also hadn't been into the main stage space at Second City since I was, oh, I dunno, ten or eleven maybe (I know I know I'm the worst). My dad use to take us there all the time for their children's shows. Maybe I should just go one night. It IS Second City, after all.

standin' outside.

We took the train down and walked around Old Town a little bit and  (ok ok get ready, I'm about to admit that I watch HGTV's Design Star on Hulu) there was a woman I recognized sitting in a car in a driveway. It was TOTALLY this woman, Meg, from that show. I sure did want to tap on her window and tell her that I think her designs are cute and ask her if she won the show. I doubt that she did, but, I dunno, fun to recognize her! Fake celebrity and reality TV stardom is such a strange and wacky thing.

How did you TANTALIZE today?

gig at fritzy's. 9.

Oh hi.
Sorry this is a day late. My TANTALIZE happened too late in the day to post it before the actual day was done, and working the morning after you finish a band gig at 1:00am makes for getting to bed asap pretty important.

Speaking of late night band gigs. My TANTALIZE involved a little trio version of Left Turn band gig at a tiny bar called Fritzy's last night. It was my first time visiting AND playing music in that bar. It had a nice little stage area and I think would work really well for solo or duo projects. Not the smallest bar stage we've played, which was a nice suprise.

The gig itself went fine, despite my cough cold, and there were  more people there than I thought there'd be. On one hand, my attitude is that if my music inspires or touches even one person than it's worth doing. On the other hand, there comes a point at which one has to ask themselves where exactly something is going to take them. I think it's time for our band to start looking to bigger and better. The little bars are fun and have their place, but I'm craving more at this point.

slowing it down a little

i should probably buy a real keyboard stand one of these days. the stools were actually perfect though.

How did you TANTALIZE today?

Thursday, August 25, 2011

putting the boat back. 8.

Oh hi!
I'm now sitting in my cozy little apartment back at home, and it's strange to think that this morning (and a six hour drive ago) I was in a place that feels like a totally different universe.

My TANTALIZE today (among some other new things, including a tiny random diner in the middle of the "downtown" area that I'd never been to) was putting the Little Boat That Could back onto dry land. Billy helped a lot, like he did when we got the thing in the water to begin with...but still. It was a new experience and I now know what to do for next time.

I think I'll continue this as long as I can. It's nice to have an excuse for trying something new every day. And like Edward Albee says, "If you're willing to fail interestingly, you tend to succeed interestingly."

after we took the motor off, i paddled us to the other shore

There aren't any photos of us taking the motor off, as it was a two person four handed job. Use your imagination. It was more graceful than you might believe.


oops...you mean my OTHER right... (Billy was quite the patient navigator)

How did you TANTALIZE today?

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

fish off the dock. 7.

Oh hi!
In all my years of coming up here, I'm not sure if I'd ever actually caught any fish (or had the desire to even go fishing). Today I had my own fishing pole in the water and we drove the Little Boat That Could over to our friend's dock to try our luck. My TANTLIZE of the day was catching THREE fish! Two large sun fish and a small perch. They didn't know. Not big enough to eat, but fun anyway.
We found a little enclosed inlet and saw a few turtles and a huge great blue heron. It was super windy on the lake today but we still managed quiet a long trip.


 

thankfully this one DIDN'T swallow the hook. good fishy.

In other news, this morning while sitting at a coffee shop, a young woman asked me if I could take a photo of her and her boyfriend outside to send to their families. "where are your families?" I asked. The girl's are in Germany (which I could tell from her accent) and the boy's are in Pittsburgh.

Oh! And something else cool that happened! We spotted a caterpillar the first day we arrived sitting on the side of the house. He's just been hanging out and this morning he was hanging in a different position. When we got back from our fishing trip he had turned into a big green cocoon! Awesome!

How did you TANTALIZE today?

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

boat in the water. 6.

Oh hi!

Oh my goodness guys, today has been a wonderful adventure. More excitement in Three Lakes. Like I said, usually I get here and everything is already done and all I have to do is enjoy myself. Today, my TANTALIZE was that I had to put the little fishing boat in the water WITHOUT MY DAD'S HELP. ok ok, I had my fearless Billy with me, but STILL!! I have NO idea how my dad does it by himself. Actually, I know how he does. He's mostly in the water the whole time. We both managed to not even get our shoes soaked. We put the boat near a far line of trees, and then I paddled it to the dock where we got the little motor on it and then Billy used his scooter knowledge of chokes and 2 stroke engines to get it purring like a kitten. Yeah. I just said that.

We bopped around for four hours. We found Spirit lake (another first for me by myself being the navigator!) and did a lot of fishing. Billy caught a huge bass (between 12 and 14 inches we think) and we were going to keep it and eat it but then I felt bad for it. Lame. Next time we catch "a keeper" we'll be keeping it so that I can clean and fillet a fish by myself and eat something I caught for the first time.

It started drizzling right as we were getting back, but it was a great afternoon adventure.


unlocking the boat for the old flip n' drag

kaloo! kalay! oh happy day!

 
I think that this project will certainly last for more than seven days.

How did you TANTANLIZE today?

Monday, August 22, 2011

opening up the cabin first. 5.

Oh, hi!
I'll be posting photos of the next few days TANTALIZEes when I'm not on a spotty at best 3G connection in the middle of the north woods.

Usually when I come to this cabin in the woods, I arrive after the family has already gotten here and all I have to do is walk in and wonder about when dinner will be ready. Today, my TANTALIZE was unlocking the cabin first, and doing all the shopping, sweeping up of spider carcasses, and making sure everything was set for the stay. How grown up!!



first inside!


How did you TANTALIZE today?

Sunday, August 21, 2011

auntie's with billy. 4.

Oh, hi! I'm feeling more relaxed than I have in months. And I don't have much else to say than that. Today, my TANTALIZE involved sitting on the dock at my Auntie's house just outside Madison, WI with Billy. I've been visiting this house all my life, but never with my Billy.
Tomorrow, we head north to Three Lakes to sit in a cabin in the woods for a few days. There will be fishing, grilling, sleeping in, coffee on a pier, and maybe a day trip to see some waterfalls. My posts may not be able to involve photos for the next few days, but I'll write and upload pics when I get back to civilization.
It sure was nice to do something new with someone so nice.

from good to greater good

How did you TANTALIZE today?

Saturday, August 20, 2011

media team video. 3.

Oh, hi!
Today my TANTALIZE was a brand new experience that I was (suprisingly nervous about) with an awesome group of people at the spiritual center that I attend. I'm on the newly formed Media Team and one of the projects we wanted to do was to shoot a welcome video for the website. I've never been in or helped to film a welcome video for anything before, and I'm so glad that I said yes to joining the team! There's still some more shooting to be done, and the technical elements were hilariously low budget at best, but the ideas and vibe and energy in the room totally rocked.

Something that I'm already noticing about doing The TANTALIZE Project is that "going with the flow" in the spur of the moment has become a lot easier.
If taking risks has, at some level, become a project, even the small ones become less of a stressor. Something that Bodhi (the spiritual center) teaches is to let go of suffering. We suffer all the time. Someone cuts us off in traffic, we suffer. Our friend forgets to text us back, we suffer. The line at the coffee shop is too long, we suffer. A huge diagonal street is blocked for a fest, we suffer.
Little things that change my course during the day tend to raise my blood pressure a little. Ok sometimes more than a little. Today there were two in a row. But instead of remembering how annoyed I was about them, I'm simply remembering what an easy morning it was. Why? Because the little "kinks" in my plans forced me to make different choices, and I didn't suffer through them.

Out of my favorite breakfast sandwich, Starbucks? My suffering response would be "UGH. How ANNYOING. How can you be out of everything in stock on a weekend?" (I'd, of course, suffer to myself and then judge myself for getting annoyed about Starbucks). Today it was, out loud, "well then, sure! I'll try a spinch/feta wrap!"
Huge street that was a direct route to the filming site blocked for a fest? My suffering response would be "UGH. I HATE all these stupid summer fests!! Stupid jerks walking around drinking beer and wearing backwords Cubs hats. They are RUINING my DRIVING ROUTE." Today it was "Hmmm...those poor people getting soaked setting up in the rain! I hope the weather clears for them!" I easily found a detour.

Going with the flow and embracing change (and in turn embracing the unknown and taking risks) is helping me to take those trigger moments and put a new perspective on them. And it instantly throws positive energy into the universe. There's a lot to be said for that.
And guess what. The sandwich was delicious. My detour took less time. Shooting the video was really fun.

yes, one of our light sources was a lamp sans shade

Behind the camera.


How did you TANTALIZE today?

Friday, August 19, 2011

three (and a new) flavors. 2.

oh, hi!

I have a new obsession. It's called Italian ice. I'm sure you've heard of it. If you haven't, for shame. Get on Google maps and do a "search nearby" for Italian ice. Come back and thank me later.

I recently discovered a placed called Anthony's that has the best ice I've had in the city. It's not overly sweet, it's incredibly creamy (no dairy to be found!), and the flavors are like some fruit took some boxing lessons, spent the night in a freezer having strategy meetings, and when you meet him on the street he's all HEY! I OWN THIS BLOCK! BAM! Take THAT, taste buds of a stranger!!

Anyway.

Last time I was there they had honeydew melon.
Sorry. I just drooled on the keyboard.

When I was a little kid, my world was changed the day I realized that I could mix slurpee flavors. Other ice places I've been to allows you to mix two flavors. The other day when I was in there I mentioned (after I'd already ordered a passion fruit/honeydew melon) that I WISH I could have just A LITTLE of another. The nice young man behind the counter said, "oh! well, there are three scoops in a medium size, so you could get a scoop of each next time!" My "next time" was this afternoon.

So far my favorite flavors have been black cherry (holy shnikes I can't even describe it) and passion fruit. I MEANT to order passion fruit, watermelon, and black cherry...and my TANTALIZE for the day was GOING to be that I ordered THREE flavors IN ONE CUP.

But no. I accidentally ordered black RASPBERRY instead of the cherry. It was good! Not as good as the cherry. But my one new thing turned into two today, as the black raspberry was a new flavor for me.

See? I never said these would all be life changing. (But seriously, go and try the black cherry. That IS life changing.)

sneaky black raspberry right next to black cherry
 What a lovely after work treat.


labeled, too tiny to read, for your convenience (or not)

How did you TANTALIZE today?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

i sat in an easy chair in the park. 1.

Oh hi. I stand before you, a little bit lost. I’ve been in a three month long “ebb”. I smell like algae. (Not really. But that’s what it feels like.)

August is a weird month, ya’ll. Sometimes for fun (or torture?) I go back and read old journal entries from a year or three or five years previous to the date that I’m sitting in, just to see what life was like. Without fail, August always contains several entries that feel stuck, frustrated, and generally more pressured to DO something combined with the complete lack of any interest in taking any action of any kind. After a few hour-of-the-wolf 3ams this week, where I am tossing and turning over all of the mistakes and missed opportunities and broken connections and lost strength and lack of motivation and whateverthefuck else the following question came to me:
What causes me to not take action?
Yeah it’s really not a mind blowing question. But it’s a scary one when I decided to be honest with myself about the possible answers.
Fear of failure? Laziness? Boredom? Fear of success? Perceived lack of resources?
Maybe all of them. Eeep. Now what.

Every self important asshole has a blog now, so maybe that’s the first step. Admitting to the internet that I’m stuck.
HEY INTERWEBZ! I’m STUCK OVER HERE!

I’m trying to figure it out. I’m trying to figure out why our hero, an actress-trapeze artist-musician-makeup artist-nanny-personal trainer feels like she has nothing to do and NO desire to do anything. I’m over analyzing and am not sure what the first step is. I feel like it needs to be dramatic but maybe it doesn’t. I want things to happen quickly. And instead they don’t happen at all. I think that one of the reasons that August feels like this (and I know I’m not alone) is that for at least twenty years of our lives, August was seen as a month to ZZOMG-CRAM-IN-THE-LAST-BIT-OF-SUMMER-BEFORE-SCHOOL-STARTS-ARRRGGG!!! And even though most of the people in my circle of friends don’t have the “problem” of going back to school, there is urgency and pressure to Get Stuff Done even though the last thing I want to do is Anything. And then those questions start swirling around in my brain and my thoughts start racing on the things i can control and they dance and bounce around so fast that I can’t even keep track of them and I end up just driving to Whole Foods for a cupcake as a distraction. And it was a gluten free vegan one and it was gross.

I participated in a program called Pathways a few years ago. I hate to call it a “communication seminar”, but I don’t really know how else to describe it other than saying that it took my life, flipped it on its ass, and mended it in such an astonishing way I didn’t even know what to do with myself. In a weekend. No kool-aid or matching scarves involved.
One of the biggest rules/principals/challenges/etc. that I walked away with was “to take a 10 everyday.” Ten being the highest number on a scale of one to ten, and “taking” referred to a risk. It’s sort of a combo of #8-9 in a 12 Step program. Doing something that scares the crap out of you every day. And, of course, the opportunity will not always present itself to do so, and yes, that is also a huge excuse. I took 10’s for a few months, a few times a week, and it was scary and amazing and then I stopped because life got in the way of my life.

What the hell am I waiting for, right?

So, I present to you, the T.A.N.T.A.L.I.Z.E Project. *fanfare*
Try A New Thing And Live In Zealous Ebbs.
Every day I will do something that I have never done before. There will be photographic evidence (wow…photographic and pornographic sure do look like the same word in a quick scan…) of said accomplishment and while they might not all be “10s”, how am I suppose to know what’ll get me pumped up and out of a long ebb unless I try new things? My ebbs will be ZEALOUS damnit! And I’ll learn how to spell “zealous” and “tantalize”! And when I’m flowing, it’s STILL good to try new things! I might be a genius yak tamer! How will I know if I never try?!  

So, I present,
Day 1. I Sat In An Easy Chair In The Park.

When in an ebb, I find that the first thing that happens is I stay at home as much as possible. There is a difference between relaxing at home and hiding at home. I’ve been hiding. So, this evening, I took a walk by myself around the neighborhood. There’s a little playground at the end of one of the one way streets and as I got closer to it I realized that no, my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me…someone had left two (very comfy) easy chairs in the park. Just…sitting there…waiting to be sat…upon. Well why the hell not, right?

who left these here? this is silly.
So today, I sat in an easy chair that was left at a playground. It is the most comfortable seating arrangement I have ever experienced while surrounded by woodchips and old metal.

here's lookin' at you, chair.